Attack of the Smarty Pants

I used to love commenting and love reading the comments, but now it's boring, old and annoying to read the same people arguing about the SAME THING everyday, not even following topic. How can grown men act like such babies on this website? Oh wait, they're babies with good grammar, good for you assh*les, good for you.

Yes, agreed. These same petty arguments are a bore.

And I'd also add that Poe's observation seems more to be the other way around. For every hour, there are only ten minutes of actual productivity.

Yes, I've often wondered how and why some of the chronic posters had so much time in a day to post. And the thread about Noah was so mean and nasty that it was depressing. And some people with an agenda, well, reading their posts is like watching paint dry.

Snarky, silly, outrageous, thought provoking--it's all good, but how about some of the posters adopt a philosophy that if they would never in a million years say something to a person's face, then maybe they should try to show a little restraint and human decency and not post all the nasty stuff. Of course, if you're an ass, you're an ass but I would guess that some people are a little more civil day-to-day then they are on this website.

I guess you mean this:

My dear walleroo, I need no defense from the scum-sucking likes of thee. Should I term your rather cunning form of condescension "She stoops to conquer?" That you now claim (in the breach, as it were) to have once defended butch only increases the contempt I suddenly feel for you. I don't recall the incident at all.
Posted by cathar | September 24, 2007 11:14 PM

Gee, Goobie (Doobie Doo!), I thought you were really referring to all your own posts. Like, say, those two unnecessary insults you directed towards Montclair's mayor (how brave you are as an anonymous dimwit) on the thread about the oil tank.

That you seem to collect some of my clippings probably says more about the quality of your own emotional life than anything else. Golly but you only tread deeper in "it" with your every post.

vry funny cathar. neither of my posts refered to Montclair's famous "puking mayor".

Has your beer intake affected your ability to read or are you just addled?

Why don't the snarky posters use their real names? Many people, myself included, don't like to post here because most of the discussions are negative and mean-spirited. Also, it's a very clique-e group, and you mostly talk amongst yourselves. At least use your real names, people.

why are your posts so boring?

Why should you have control over how or what I post or who I talk to?

Make up an addy Jessica, you'll feel more at home and will be able to get into the spirit of things.

If you want truth and people's names go post on the Watercooler where "everyone knows your name".

Life is like a box of crayons. Most people are the 8-color boxes, but what you're really looking for are the 64-color boxes with the sharpeners on the back. I fancy myself to be a 64-color box, though I've got a few missing. It's ok though, because I've got some more vibrant colors like periwinkle at my disposal.

I'm not looking for control, or for a disguise so I can let some other side of my come out. If you're bored by my posts, too bad! As my mom always said, only boring people get bored. :) And, most people ARE the 64 or more color boxes, if you take the time to get to know them. Hard to do that if you're jumping to conclusions and making snap judgments, or if you just feel like you are better than everyone else. But maybe I'm doing that right now myself... hmmm...

yep you most certainly are Ollie

Redundancy abounds!

I'd like to think of my self as a box of 144 mortars.

Mortar is a mixture of sand, a binder such as cement or lime, and water and is applied as a paste which then sets hard. Mortar can also be used to fix, or point masonry when the original mortar has washed away.

http://www.boomspeed.com/kmartta/finalfelony.gif

These are the kind of mortars I mean.

like these:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_artillery#Mortars

I suppose "caustic" is in they eye of the beholder. It the very first week, perhaps day 2 of Baristanet (yes I go that far back) Deb posted a story complaining about the difficulty in making a big splash with her new blog when there were so many stories coming out of Iraq which were getting all the attention.

"We have balloons and they have beheadings" was the exact phrase.

So, perhaps, the wrong foot was got off on?

Those early, long ago, stories were sometime ago removed from the "Archives" But I am sure Deb remembers.

One person's "snark" is another person's overly "caustic" comment I suppose.

But either way, the complaints are yet another indicator of the superior level of tolerance exhibited by the local citizenry.

One years to point out that reading the comments is entirely voluntary.

The mortars known as Final Felony can actually be purchased--along with other incendiary devices--on July 4 in Washington State on various Indian reservations.

I actually visited a friend out there a few years back and she told me we were going to a July 4th fireworks celebration. I figured it was going to be held in a big field somewhere. It was actually in someone's driveway! Fireworks, it turns out, are legal in WA state, Oregon and several others throughout the West and South. Families visit the local Indian reservation, plop down a couple hundred bucks on fireworks and shoot 'em off in their driveways. Neato.

In response to Deb's question "what do you think of the smarty pantses who lurk here," here's what i think of some of them:

* Martta - Thinks for herself. entertaining, sometimes surprising. worth the time.
* Walleroo - endearing, and always worth the time, though i can't fathom why he sticks up for Cathar.
* ROC and Iceman and LaserMike - i skip right past their posts; they parrot their media sources and do not think for themselves. Katie's critique fits them.
* Guido Santa - also predictably lefty, but at least has some style.
* AppleTony - Smart and pithy.
* Ackme - sarcastic in a way i personally enjoy
*Croiagusanam - very clear thinker, smarter than most of us, or me anyway.
* Crank - haven't seen him or her on here much lately, but was usually worth the time. I am biased toward ex-rockers.
* Cathar - a poor sad old bloviator.
* Jessica Sporn - Hey, i know your sister! And I've met that smart mom whom you quote. But I stay incognito for the very reason you cite - it's fun being nasty and i wouldnt' do so in person. Hey, it's cheap therapy.
* Katie rules.

I am one hundred percent correct, and that is all.

How can you forget FrankGG? He appears only every once in but unlike most of the rest of us, quickly dispenses with useful, accurate and interesting enhancements to truly local stories.
On the other hand, I am also very tired of the usual suspects who spend all day arguing with each other in a public forum. They usually offer little as far as local insight (on this "hyperlocal" blog) and just have too much time on their hands. I'm also amuzed by the fact that a lot of the ones we're talking about don't even live here! But hey, look, it worked. We're talking about them.

in a disconnected world Baristanet makes me feel part of a community.

I especially like the free and open exchange of everyones opinion.

"I'm also amuzed (sic) by the fact that a lot of the ones we're talking about don't even live here!"

Why is that amusing? Many of us, myself included, are former B-ville residents (23 years!) who take an interest in what's going on the area.

you're right, Drob, FrankGG is a saint. and I also forgot Laura Loonie, who is perhaps the sanest of all.

When did being an informed citizen become a bad thing?

*sigh* They never write, they never call...

Just read that entire article, which I seemed to have missed in my copy of The Times yesterday. Was it in "Sunday Styles?" I usually put that section directly in the parakeet cage. Anyway, after reading the entire screed, I am beginning to long for the day when Web 3.0 evolves; 2.0 is really starting to take itself too seriously.

Oddly enough, the quote of cathar above was aimed at me, but I didn't take offense to it.

Thanks you, sleepyseek. for the kind words.

Some of you who think this thread is too much of a clique may not appreciate that some of us use it as a form of socializing--we come here to see our old friends. IF you've been around as long as I have (almost as long as ROC) you begin to find companionship of a sort. I know that sounds pathetic, but hey, I didn't invent this century, I just live here.

And why does anybody think I stick up for cathar, that reprehensible beast, creep, thief, lamebrain, knucklehead and bastard. The thought of him makes my blood boil. I'm thinking of challenging him to fisticuffs. Perhaps lasermike can hold his arms while I rain blows upon his abdomen?

Ah, sleepysleek is posting above, the very same lad who both recalls his "glory days" playing at CBGB's (never quite made upstairs at Tierney's, eh?) and has opined that both religion and organized team sports are for "dopes."

Well, smirkysleepy, if you honestly imagine guido santa has "some style" other than vein-popping way-way-left outrage, then his partner in witlessness laserboy is a Pulitzer Prize winner for criticism next year. (Have you also met Goobie yet? He sounds perfect as a pal for you.)

That of course also indicates that you yourself have absolutely no "style" yourself. And that the intrepid "citizen journalists" who run this very site were laboring to print something-anything on a very slow news day indeed yesterday.

Mikey, there's nothing at all wrong with being an informed citizen. I just keep waiting for you to first display basic literacy and reasoning abilities, then after a few years you might be abel to try to move on to being an informed member of the body politic.

But, walleroo, in your own posts I always feel the love. Along with your corresponding need to be kicked while down.

Glory days? Nah, any mook could get a gig at CB's. But that world tour opening for the Longines Symphonette -- Now THOSE dudes knew how to live the rock life. they made Led Zep look like Carmelites.

Loved by the likes of you, never! I won't rest until you're brought down, cathar. You are my mission.

Some of you who think this thread is too much of a clique may not appreciate that some of us use it as a form of socializing--we come here to see our old friends. IF you've been around as long as I have (almost as long as ROC) you begin to find companionship of a sort. I know that sounds pathetic, but hey, I didn't invent this century, I just live here.

walleroo has been around since baristanet was carved out of wood, and ROC has been here since baristanet was merely an oral tradition passed on in the now-dead language of the Eagle Rock wooly mammoth hunters. But the marsupial is right -- this is a social outlet for some of us too tied up in other things to have a normal social life. Like a bunch of Trekkies in a biker bar, please feel free to stare and laugh, but you need not call us assh*les.

Pity, not scorn, is all the baristaddicted desire.

Well, that and sex.
and chocolate.
and beer.
and world peace.
and a new car.
and a viable third party.

So, this is a place to socialize, but you're all mean to each other. If you were to have a life outside of Baristanet would you speak to your friends the way you speak to the people here?

Actually maybe you do, and that's why Baristanet is the only place you socialize. It's not that you don't have time for a life, you don't have friends!

I see the people who are taking offense to the story are the people the story is about. Or maybe you're all just paranoid - because appletony, you were not included with the assh*les I was talking about.

I know, but the secret you're not revealing is that ROC, guido santa, cathar, lasermike, walleroo, sleepysleek and the miscellaneous animal rights stalkers are all the same floridly insane person.

But wouldn't that voting comments up or down feature be nice? It has saved Digg from complete irrelevancy.

Damn, he finally figured it out. But at least he still doesn't know that we're all Deb's personalities.

I'm pretty much the same offline. Ask my poor mother who is consistently embarassed by my public display of 'short bus' jokes.

I'm like my own, personal, politically incorrect, irreverant train wreck.

Maybe one day you'll overhear me explaining my alternate view of something at a bar in town. I'll be the one sneaking the high school kids in the back door...

Likewise, ackme.

I will be the first one telling a mother that if she doesn't want her 8 year old kid hearing vulgarities at 10pm on a Wednesday night, she shouldn't have brought them with her to a bar (which, if it's past a reasonable time to have your kid out, The Office counts as).

I post the same way I behave in public: Polite to police and people who show respect in return, but once you've established that you have no intention of acting civilly to me, I will not hold back on the verbal lashing (which is often quite worse than anything I've ever posted here).

I’m a guy in his mid-20s with a blond mohawk, combat boots, in pretty decent shape and can often be found in the vicinity of N. Fullerton Ave, Bloomfield Ave, and Church Street. Feel free to say “Hi.”

"I post the same way I behave in public: Polite to police and people who show respect in return, but once you've established that you have no intention of acting civilly to me, I will not hold back on the verbal lashing (which is often quite worse than anything I've ever posted here)."

What, prey, did Baristalad do by way showing his "intention of acting [un]civilly to you" which caused you to say:

"Wow. He looks like an obnoxious turd."

Just curious.

I don't recall your giving a list, katie, unless I missed it. Perhaps you should do a daily "katie's list" in which you can tell us all who's up, who's down, who's in and who's out.

Though we'd all have the right to knock it, of course.

If you were to have a life outside of Baristanet would you speak to your friends the way you speak to the people here?

Yes, katie, you miserable slut... yes!

(Though that's a big if.)

I�m a guy in his mid-20s with a blond mohawk, combat boots, in pretty decent shape and can often be found in the vicinity of N. Fullerton Ave, Bloomfield Ave, and Church Street. Feel free to say �Hi.�

I'm a guy in his early 60s, though I look both much older and much younger (depending on your ability to separate disease symptoms), in pretty lousy shape (unless you like huge tires of fat on the midriff) with a greatly deformed mandible, who's often seen wheezing and drooling around Church Street and North Fullterton. If you see me, do not say "Hi!" -- just get the hell away as fast as you can.

ROC,

To put it simply: He looked obnoxious (possibly due the combination of the angle the photo was taken and my own past experiences with young comedians) and "turd" just happened to be the word that flowed from my fingers.

It could have easily been "snot", "brat", or even "child." I opted to stay away from calling him a shit, as I was trying to convey my OPINION without using offensive language. I obviously failed on that attempt.

He looked "obnoxious"? And you also say "I post the same way I behave in public".

Well, okay then.

No problem, GNM. You are such a moron. Ooops, sorry, that word just flowed from my keyboard. I could've said "saint" or "hero," but I didn't. What can I do? Blame my fat little digits!

Wasn't saying that I'm never obnoxious or annoying. As I've admited to several times in the past on B-Net: I can dole out more than my fair share of being that guy making an ass out of himself in public (and in public forums such as this).

I must legally remind you that I have purchased an exclusive license to obnoxious and annoying postings on this site.

I didn't mention a list walleroo. Way to call me a slut, you classy man.

because appletony, you were not included with the assh*les I was talking about.

Ah, I see what the confusion is. There is indeed a list, but it's private. And furthermore, it's unclear above whether appletony is included among the original assh*les, or some other list of assh*les. Jeepers, you guys must have a staff bookkeepers to keep track!

Way to call me a slut, you classy man.

(It means I like you.)

Walleroo, are you of friggen drugs. Shut your friggen mouth.

civil, that!

... on friggen drugs...

Mikey, I doubt quite strongly that you're on drugs, the "friggen" kind or any other, and yet you post irrationally and ungrammatically here on a regular basis. So what is your excuse?

But a blond mohawk? Mid-20's? Pretty decent shape?Combat boots? GNM, you've referenced a fiancee previously, so you might not want to paint yourself as a rough trade habitue of, say, Ramrod. (I write this already understanding, however, that one man's "mohawk" is quite often just another's extreme crewcut.) At any rate, this doesn't quite sound like the perfect look that MSU (alma mater, yes?) wishes to stake out for even its younger alumni.

I don't tolerate abusive speech against women. It's not a joke. It's creepy.

Good thing this isn't a college campus or Mikey would get walleroo expelled for "hate speech" for sure.

(I suspect Mikey is just trying to get off The List.)

But you tolerate it against men? Hmmm, yet another of the universe's mysteries to ponder.

Ah, you can take it.

Man, what a retrograde sexist! But at least it means you'll be polite to half the population.

But mikey, you've called none other than Miss Martta a "Nazi" and a few other similar nasties on this very site? Those sputterings didn't constitute "abusive speech against women?"

But then, lasernutter, so much of what you post is, uh, "creepy." Plus illogical and not from a brain quite in sync with the normal rhythms of life. So don't try casting yourself as a paladin of verbal nicety.

I have not. I've called you a Nazi and now you are happy to call youself a Nazi.

How cute. Now your defending walleroo. I think Cathar is in love.

...you're...

Mikey, most of the time I am amused by your minimal nuisance value and your tenuous-at-best grasp on reality and literacy. You're like a gelded Rumplestiltskin.

Today, however, you have merely revealed yourself again as the truly vile prevaricator you really always are. Whatever your physical stature, laserkid, you're always going to be very small indeed emotionally and spiritually. Forget even relative "greatness," you sad, mingy punk, you're not even bound to man the rearmost echelon of the semi-literate masses of the below-average out there.

But y'all have a nice, dysfunctional day anyway.

Your grammar is fine but your reasoning questionable and poisoned by hate. You are not a nice person. And you can't take a joke.

In a kind of related note:
I just got a spam email from "PayPal" - it was addressed to boringtrolls@baristanet.com - no lie.

Setup a code of coduct and enforce it. Baristanet has been a poisoned well for some time.

When it comes to boring trolls, PayPal knows where to find 'em!

I am not sure what is more pathetic, insulting someone by suggesting they're gay or following it up with demands for a "code of conduct".

not that I think it's insulting, but clearly Mikey does.

Lasermikey, you ignorant slut!

See? It applies equally to both men and women!

cathar has freely and frequently professed his love of walleroo...as an appetizer. Skinned and grilled on the barbie, I believe. Tho I hear marsupial meat tastes like gamey chicken.

Cathar -

You are obviously intelligent and have a true command of all things esoteric. You are also, from what I've read and interpreted from your posts, a devout Catholic. Am I wrong? If I'm not, I'm just puzzled by the incongruity of the way you conduct yourself on Baristanet (so vindictive and vicious) and the way that your saviour and role model, Jesus, led his life. Please know that I'm not knocking Catholicism being that it was the church I was raised in. Just curious, that's all.

Cathar,

True, I've had to tone down the 'hawk to more of an exaggerated crew cut since joining the work force. It's at a point where it can be worn down and look "normal" for work and up for the weekends. But, trust me when I say the look was entirely appropriate at MSU (in the Fine Arts department, anyway).

And yes, I'm engaged (for the next 19 days anyway...). The physical description was an attempt to further remove myself from the accusations of anonymity without actually posting my home address.

What was your concentration in art at MSU, Mike?

My brother is a music student at MSU and has a nice afro.

I was thinking about mohawks and 'fros the other day and I've concluded that an afro is much, much more awesome and credible than a mohawk:
Anyone could have a mohawk - your girlfriend breaks up with you, you shave the sides of your head - you're drunk, you shave the sides of your head - you want to be "different", you shave the sides of your head. See, anyone can have a mohawk.

'Fro's are not like that, you must nurture that hair, you must take time to grow that hair, you must have (curly) hair.

If you're doing the mohawk but with hair on the sides, the "fauxhawk", you must stop now, give up the dream!

Katie,

Photography as the answer to your first question.

To the second point: My hair doesn't quite afro, but does get quite bushy if I let it go without any styling.

Plus, afros and punk shows historically don't play well together.

And you can't take a joke.

Of all the things I don't do well, one thing I have always thought I do do well is recognizing intended humor. But I must admit I've failed to pick up any at all in laser's posts above.

Dear sularu,

It seems that you've been posting a relatively short time here, am I right? I must admit I've developed a certain fondness for you, all the more after reading your post above admonishing cathar for not being more like Jesus. So I am moved to point out here that although some of us who've been at this for longer than I'd care to admit may at times seem like a nasty, foul-mouthed clique, which we probably are, part of me is tempted to ridicule you for your earnestness of your plea to cathar, but another part of me is astounded at the idea, and yet another part thinks it's funny as hell. In short it would be a tragedy for intelligent and kind hearted posters like you to be driven away (though if you had any sense you would be).

GNM, I wish you much happiness 19 days from now and for all the decades afterward. Whatever your haircut. (You also seem to have a sense of humor, since I was kidding somewhat, so thanks for realizing that.)

I knew a real Mohawk while I was in the Army; he once showed me pictures of his crowd back home, which was Brooklyn since his father was a steelworker. Nary a Magua-like strip among them, all people with "normal" haircuts.

Sularu, I raise or lower myself to the occasion and other posts as necessary. It's as simple as that. Many posters here are not the "poor in spirit" Jesus talked about, after all but rather the mean in spirit, who naively imagine themselves witty and cutting. However politically liberal they also profess to be.

That said, I really don't need you pointing out apparent disparities between the creed I claim to follow and my actual practice of it. T'is ever thus for most of us, after all. (And mikey at his foot-stamping, frothing, "jesting" best would surely test even St. John Vianney, after all.)

Thank you, Pork Roll! It's not miserable slut, it's ignorant slut! Oh, it's been so long I'd forgotten. ("Jane, you ignorant slut!") Oh, those were the days...

Now if you'd just explain to katie...

Walleroo -
Well, I'm just so gosh darned flattered that you find me amusing on so many levels! Yes, I may be a newbie but I've been reading the posts for years. Really, though, I think it's a fair question to cathar. I'm interested to read what kind of vitriol he will spew at me. Hmmm, maybe he won't even waste his time on a neophyte poster. Written in earnest? I suppose so, but perhaps I'm suppressing a smirk. But, um, thanks for your support...

for Katie

On Saturday Night live, in a parody of the "Point-Counterpoint" segment of the news program 60 Minutes, Jane Curtin portrayed a controlled "liberal", Politically Correct viewpoint (referencing Shana Alexander)

vs. Dan Aykroyd, who (referencing James J. Kilpatrick) prototyped today's right-wing media "attack" journalist.

Curtin would present the liberal "Point" portion first, then Aykroyd would present the "Counterpoint" portion, beginning with the statement, "Jane, you ignorant slut!"

more for katie:

Weekend Update with Jane Curtin & Bill Murray

.....Jane Curtin
.....Bill Murray
Elizabeth Taylor.....John Belushi
.....Dan Aykroyd

Announcer: And now, "Weekend Update", with the "Weekend Update" news team. Brought to you by Chafe Boy-R-Dee, the ravioli you sprinkle on itchy Italians. Here are Bill Murray and Jane Curtin.

Jane Curtin: Good evening, I'm Jane Curtin. Here now, the news.

Rock superstar Elton John was in a London hospital this week, after collapsing in his home. John, an admitted bisexual, had been complaining of an aching prostate gland and menstrual cramps.

The United States Census Bureau announced that the 1980 Census is under way, and it will cost one million dollars to give us a numerical profile of our population. Currently, an American is born every 10 seconds, and one dies every 16 seconds. So, during the course of this newscast, we would like to welcome 60 new viewers.. and to the 40 viewers leaving us - those are the breaks.

Jane Curtin: Bill?

Bill Murray: The Senatorial race in Virginia was so close, that they are recounting the votes. So far the winner is Republican John Warner, who's ahead by a very slight margin. Now, I know what you're thinking. You're probably saying, "Bill, you maniac, what does this have to do with "Celebrity Corner"? Aren't you getting off the track?" Uh-uh. Because this chief politician John Warner's wife is none other than perhaps the greatest actress who's ever lived, and whose face has set the standard for screen beauty for so many years. Of course I'm talking about Elizabeth Taylor. [ a plump Elizabeth Taylor eating a chicken leg appears on the screen behind Bill ] Welcome to "Celebrity Corner"!

Elizabeth Taylor: Thanks, Bill. It's so nice to be here.

Bill Murray: Liz, how does it feel to be Mrs. Almost-Too-Soon-to-Tell Senator-Elect Warner, anyway?

Elizabeth Taylor: [ chewing as she talks ] Very exciting, Bill. I'm looking forward to being a Washington hostess.

Bill Murray: Liz, tell me this: we heard that you promised that if John won the election, that you would go on a diet from your present weight of 167 pounds, down to your "Butterfield 8" weight of 120. Is that true?

Elizabeth Taylor: That's right. I've started a strict diet. Nothing but chicken.

Bill Murray: That sounds great, Liz. But to me, I don't care how much you weigh, just so your cheeks don't puff up over those beautiful violet eyes that I've been in love with since "National Velvet".

Elizabeth Taylor: [ not paying attention ] Mmm-hmm.. [ starts choking ]

Bill Murray: Liz, what about your career? I mean, can we look forward to seeing you in a movie soon? How about "Cleopatra II"? It seems like such a natural. I mean, how would John feel about that? Would there be a career conflict, now that you are also the wife of a United States Senator? [ Elizabeth Taylor pounds her chest to free the chicken, then starts spitting it up ] Well, thank you so much, Liz. It has been a real treat for me to have you on "Celebrity Corner". And I think all your friends in the whole world join me when I say, "Good luck with that diet, I know you're gonna lose that weight." She looks great, doesn't she? I just know she's gonna be a big hit on Capitol Hill. Jane?

Tragedy struck the world of horseracing this afternoon, when Seattle Slew was accidentally impaled on a hurdle he failed to clear. While the former Triple Crown winner looks as though he'll fully recover, veterinarians have reduced his stud fees from $12 million to $14.95.

And the Ford Foundation announced that it has awarded a $1.5 million grant to perfect a contraceptive that would be implanted in a woman's hand. Although years away from perfection, it is reported to be twice as effective as the diaphragm. A Ford spokesman said that eventually this technique will support the old adage that One in the Hand is Worth Two in the Bush.

Dan Aykroyd: Hello. I'm "Weekend Update" Station Manager Dan Aykroyd. This week, the Shah of Iran declared martial law, in an attempt to put a stop to the violent writing which has paralyzed his country. The Shah is the subject of tonight's "Point/Counterpoint". Jane will take the Anti-Shah Point, and I will take the Pro-Shah Counterpoint. Jane?

Jane Curtin: Dan, I know exactly what you're going to say: "Jane, you ignorant slut! The Shah is our friend, he sent us oil during the 70's re-embargo. He's a fighter against Communism." Maybe so, Dan, but what happened to the human rights you scream about every time a Saranski gets sentenced to some Soviet jail? Why is it wrong to torture a dissident and freezing Siberian Goulag, but okay to wire a leftist student's genitals in a baking Tehran dungeon? I only hope that someday someone wires your genitals, Dan. Then you'll be singing a different tune!

Dan Aykroyd: Jane, you poor, misguided scrag! Sure, the Shah's a jerk, but he's all we've got! Just look at the map. To the north, the Soviet Union; to the east and west, Afghanistan and Iraq. Both leftist radical states; and in the south, the Persian Gulf. Any idiot can see that Iran would be a prized stepping stone in an eventual Soviet takeover of the world. And when that happens, Jane, those Cossacks will be coming over here with their broom handle, and we'll see how you'll feel then! Of course, you'd probably love it, you ignorant slut!

Jane Curtin: That's the news. Good night, and have a pleasant tomorrow.

I had forgotten how funny they were...thanks for posting, Montclair Mom.

Yeah, that "ignorant slut" skit is funny. I'm laughing aloud right now--ba ha ha! My dad used to address my mum and me as ignorant sluts just for a laugh and it always made me laugh, no joke.

Speaking of a funny joke my dad used to tell, has anyone ever heard this one before? It's usually a real crowd pleaser.

Two guys were talking at an airport about slips of the tongue. One guy said to the other, "Funniest thing, I meant to ask the lady at the counter for two tickets to Pittsburgh and instead I asked for two pickets to titsburgh!"
"Yeah, said the other guy, same kind of thing happened to me at dinner the other day. I meant to ask my wife to pass the peas and instead I said you ruined my life you lousy bitch."

Cathar - fair enough. Thanks for your honest answer. I really am just a cafeteria Catholic, I must admit, who is not at all well versed in religion, but my rudimentary understanding is that Jesus didn't pick and choose who to treat with kindness and who to throw insults at. But you are right, practice (or not) as you wish, it's not really my business.

Ah yes, the best years of SNL. They really, truly, don't make 'em like they used to.

I am completely appalled by the "ignorant slut" references in the above script. I hereby vote for lasermike to finds a way to go back in time to punch Dan Akroyd on behalf of defenseless wimmens everywhere.

/lasermike, noble savior

You do know that skit is older than katie. It is probably not a good idea to use this word in jest with someone you don't know.

I know the ignorant slut sketch, which I was not reminded of when walleroo called me a miserable slut.

Sularu, that might depend on which Jesus you're talking about. The political, touchy Jesus of Dominic Crossan's books? The non-Divine version of that New Testament project (which includes such notable non-scholars as racy movies director Paul Verhoeven and screenwriter for junk novies Paul Schrader), which pares down the sayings of Jesus to a handful? The Jesus of Islam, who is a dutiful son of Allah? The Jesus who screwed and had kids of the "DaVinci Code" and "Holy Blood, Holy Grail?"

See, there are many. Archaeologist Jacquetta Hawkes once wrote that "Every age gets the Stonehenge it deserves." Similarly, every age gets the multiple Jesuses it deserves.

Regardless, I doubt very much Jesus ever met someone in circa 30 Christian Era Jesualem quite like laserboy. I merely rue that Pontius Pilate (whom I've always rated as misunderstood) never, uh, "met" the mikeyloon.

As for walleroo, really, you expected charming discourse from a marsupial? If so, I have some wonderful, springs-dappled land in the outback I'd like you to invest in.

"It's probably not a good idea..." You say this after turning apoplectic a few hours ago? Which is it, laserknucklehead? Make up your "mind" (such as it is).

Interesting, very interesting. Your breadth of knowledge is impressive. (I need to resort to encyclopedic searches when reading many of your non-insulting posts.) I've always kind of liked the version depicted in Jesus Christ Superstar (sorry, don't know how to italicize) and such catchy tunes, you know? Wow, this is really off-topic.

Yawn, it's getting late. Sularu Out!

You could go to webmonkey

http://www.webmonkey.com/webmonkey/reference/html_cheatsheet/

Well by reading all the posts here today i think its time we all get together.
Lets plan a party it should be very interesting

Sularu, if you're out there today, whatever my real degree of erudition (not much, save perhaps on the history and doings of Bugs Bunny), it's easy to sound "smart" about religious stuff on this site by knowing a little bit mainly because so few others seem to know anything.

And that, I think, is probably because so many are mere liberals. (With a nod, of course, to C.S. Lewis's great book "Mere Christianity.") Who thereby "know" that "all" evangelical Christians are bad because of their conservative politics, that "all" Catholics should just be like Martin Sheen and shut up about it, etc., etc. Even their idea of a discussion about the moral dimensions of war in Iraq is limited by their political views, there certainly is never any real consideration of the unsettling contrast between fundamentalist Islam and Christianity and why the twain never seems thus to meet there. (Which right away prompts laserboy to pop up like a figure from "Whac-A-Mole" to pronounce that any such chat automatically tilts towards "bigotry," but then he's simply unredeemably nutty anyway.)

Really, it's too easy to sound somewhat knowledgeable about religion here. (And about so many other things, come to think of it.) The security of the specifically liberal form of cultural ignorance is wonderful! So I thank you, sir or madam, for being gulled by me.

Well look, I like the Christmas Jesus best, and I'm sayin grace. When you say grace, you can say it to grown up Jesus, or teenage Jesus, or bearded Jesus, or whoever you want.

I like to think of Jesus as a mischievous badger.

I like to picture Jesus as a figure skater. He wears like a white outfit, and He does interpretive ice dances of my life's journey.

ackme, I'm sure your version of Jesus is a valid one. If you even say grace at meals, after all, you're much closer to Him already than most of us who post here.