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Would Somebody Please Grow Up?

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

The Readington school district is trying to teach its students the difference between pranks and protests. Will someone please teach the vandals who keeping hitting a house on Upper Mountain Ave. the difference between clever pranks (like paying for your school lunches in US currency) and stupid mean destructive ones?

From Nina Farber, who's had her lamp posts knocked down twice:

This is the second time in about six months that my light fixtures at the bottom of my driveway have been vandalized. After replacing my fixtures only about two months, I awoke Sunday morning to find that my driveway fixture had been knocked over. I called the police, who suspect it had to have been done with a heavy metal baseball bat (or something similar) as the fixture itself is quite heavy and the blow broke the metal base. Of course, I'm very frustrated as this has now happened twice and I dread having to replace the fixture and face this happening again. I'm hoping some publicity might raise consciousness about this activity and possibly give the police some leads in the investigation. Attached is a picture.
Posted by Debbie Galant on March 4, 2008 12:22 PM
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Time to install a camera.

Posted by Miss Martta | March 4, 2008 12:32 PM
 

Maybe a shotgun toting sentry robot would be better.

Posted by MellonBrush | March 4, 2008 12:37 PM
 

Or hook up the light fixture to some sort of electrical zapper that goes off on contact. Problem solved.

Posted by Miss Martta | March 4, 2008 12:41 PM
 

Miss M, yes that's exactly perfect! kind of like the Bad Driver Zapper that Walleroo promised me during his short-lived mayoral campaign.

Posted by Kay | March 4, 2008 12:59 PM
 

Well, he HAS to take Texas and Ohio or else it's all over for the marsupial.

Posted by Miss Martta | March 4, 2008 1:04 PM
 

"Or hook up the light fixture to some sort of electrical zapper that goes off on contact. Problem solved."

And face a staggering lawsuit for injuring the poor, miscreant little bastard. Although it might almost be worth it to hear the sizzle... :)

In more rural parts of America (everywhere outside of Baristaville) mailbox bashing is considered awesome fun by local vandals armed with baseball bats, steel pipes, M-80's, and sawed-off shotguns. People are building cement redoubts around their mailboxes and ... facing staggering lawsuits when some poor, miscreant, drunk driver smashes into one and lurches his or herself through the windshield.

Posted by Conan | March 4, 2008 1:05 PM
 

Kay, I thought walleroo is still running. He's just been a bit quiet lately.

It'd be interesting to hear the marsupial's platform plank for stopping such vandalism.

Good photo above, sad situation, but I doubt the item will give the cops any "leads."

Posted by cathar | March 4, 2008 1:18 PM
 

I am very sorry for the loss of yet another one of your lights. It looked like a good light, a trusty light. It was taken from its post way too soon. It's little lanterness all askew on top of the wall to remind you of the way it used to be, before the vandals took it from you.

Damn vandals. Damn you to hell. May karma take away your light.

Posted by ackme | March 4, 2008 1:36 PM
 

As Walleroo's attorney I feel it my duty to advise you that a patent for the "Bad Driver Zapper" has been duly applied for with the US Department of Commerce. However, since Walleroo has not responded to my latest invoice for services rendered -- and it appears that he is getting his pouch pummeled in both Ohio and Texas -- I would be willing to discuss any accomodations you might suggest to see that this wonderful idea reaches fruition and that someone -- preferably me -- profits from it.

Sincerely (honest),

Conan the Grammarian, Esq.
Dewey, Cheatem, & Howe, PLC
33 Dunster Street
Cambridge, MA 02138

Posted by Conan | March 4, 2008 1:36 PM
 

Oh, Conan, you took my 2nd best lawyer joke! (since I spent a good number of years working for lawyers I am allowed to tell them without shame.)
Here's my first favorite!
What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish?
*
*
*
*
*
one's a bottom-dwelling scum sucker, and the other's a fish!

oh and by the way, it's the US Patent & Trademark Office, and I've already applied for it so nyah nyah. (think I was going to wait around for our furry friend??!)

Posted by Kay | March 4, 2008 1:46 PM
 

"...it's the US Patent & Trademark Office..."

Details, shmetails; I am an attorney, not a proofreader. :)

Posted by Conan | March 4, 2008 2:24 PM
 

Not to be snide but

"who suspect it had to have been done with a heavy metal baseball bat (or something similar)"

Are they trying to say that the baseball bat was constructed of:iron,cobalt, copper, manganese, molybdenum, vanadium, strontium,zinc, mercury, lead, cadmium, aluminium, or beryllium?

or that it was owned by the likes of Cradle of Filth?

Posted by HidingInBaristaville | March 5, 2008 3:14 AM
 
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