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Developers in Montclair are determined to create condos in every last open space in Montclair, but this ad in the Montclair Times sounded too close to home...
The Crawlspace, a new, cozy prewar residence under a porch in tony Montclair. Amenities include artisan dirt floors, all new stainless steel ductwork, steps away from a toilet and slop sink. Asking $85,000; animals welcome.
Hey that looks my landlords newly renovated bohemian alternative to living in brooklyn.
If it includes parking, I'll take it! The Montclair Parking Authority has the rest of my down payment.
I might be interested, but I'll need to know if this is located in "Upper Montclair", or regular old "Montclair".
If you think that's a deal, you should see what the slumlords are offering! But BUY NOW while non-compliance keeps property values low, and the elected representative is silent, because new homeowners are fixing up their little places and planning to elect a new leader who will stand up to an administration and weak municipal court that have allowed code violators to spoil the quality of life and property values for moderate-income family investors.
Oh I get it, you have to farm your own granite from the ground for your countertops. Nice open floor plan, where's the wine fridge and the giant Viking range?
If you are wondering why you haven't heard from Uncle Cathar's Favorite Marsupial, it is because he bolted on the rent and left town in such a hurry he forgot his pouch, seen in the upper left.
OMG, the reason you haven't heard from your favorite marsupial is because he was looking at Baristanet from his Blackberry, which didn't load enough of the page to see this item. Oh, how nice of you, Liz, to look for a more upscale residence. Does this mean, uh, you want me out? Have I overstayed my welcome? What if I promised to stop drinking and sinking like Pavarotti every night? I'll stop, I swear!
Sorry, that should be singing like Pavarotti, sinking like a rock.
Just an April Fool's joke -- you know I love when you sing Pavarotti. No, don't stop.
Are you planning on evicting the current resident?