Coping

I definately need help. Do they give lobotomies?

Thank you for posting this.

It is so typical of late, and not just in Baristaville, to offer counseling to those who may have watched (or even just have been in the vicinity of) a tragedy. This has the odd effect of demeaning, however unpurposely, the trauma that the few who were actually involved in the event face. And also represents the folly of the modern assumption that mere witnessing or proximity to a sad event qualifies somehow as "involvement."

In the 19th century and at other points in the "good old days," however, such an approach would have been laughed off. Probably properly. There is a need for some stoicism, and with the intention to get on with things afterward. This is a realization shared by so many from less privileged, therapy-reliant societies, including residents of both modern Zimbabwe and of London during the Blitz.

Sleep it off cathar, you'll feel better, and seek some of that therapy you so obviously need. Be stoic!

Part of me wants to agree with you, cathar.

However, for some "keeping it in" does not work. For them, talking, even to a stranger (crisis counselor) helps.

The mere "offer" of counseling is not a bad thing.

For me, some of the forced "circle time/sharing" we require kids to do in school is more worrisome than having a few counselors available after a shooting.

I agree, Cathar. How many people do we see saying thing like " I was just there the other day" or "my child swims there and now I'm worried"? It seems like everyone wants to be somehow involved in the incident, even in the most remote context.
We should be upset with any violent act upon an innocent, but not to the point of requiring counseling unless you are affected in the first degree.

From my reading of the above post, cathar, the offer is for people "affected by" the shooting--a child who witnessed it, perhaps, or who knows one of the victims. In other words, nobody is offering you free counseling.

I think I understand the intent of your post. However, I want to say that in my experience working people "from less privileged, therapy-reliant" sub-cultures here in America, this expectation to be stoic is being applied with too broad a brush. The result is that a lot of serious mental illness among adults and children who witness or whose daily lives are tangent to pathological behavior on a daily basis, are not being professionally treated with therapies that could help - indeed, do help others who are not expected to be stoic.

Prof Wm also has a point - we need to be concerned about some of this "anti-sexual assault" stuff being forced on 5yr olds in public schools (plays about pedophile grandpas?)that cannot teach them academic subjects or help them avoid gang and cliche violence.

Perhaps, Nana, the problem lies in some small part with what is now defined as "mental illness." Stuff which in medieval or Renaissance behavior would have been viewed as the mere stuff of daily existence. It is not that I expect people to be, exactly, stoic. But that in a culture which encourages us to let it all hang out, some sense of a stiff upper lip might prove more useful at many times. The replacement of a down to earth outlook with resort instead to therapy seems a special characteristic of American society, but it may not be a desirable one. Just to read pioneers' diaries from the 19th century, or Willa Cather's novels, is to read a virtual catalogue of what is now termed "mental illness." Yet without such illnesses, the prairies and high deserts might never have been settled.

Walleroo, I think you're somewhat mistaken. In any case, that just "knowing" one of the victims (and how well, one might ask, or on what level) necessitates treatment is a terrible assumption to make in general. Someplace like Bosnia, by contrast, everyone "knew" victims of religious strife, yet the country somehow carried on and now seeks tourism business; this does not suggest a citizenry which needs the sort of counseling being offered now in Montclair (which is, to be sure, a town full of "counselors" of one sort or another).

Preposterous, disconnected, and insane as usual. At least you're a consistent doddering old fool. If a gun went off next to your head do you really think you would be in any condition to maintain a "stiff upper lip"? Unlikely. You would soil your pants if they were not soiled already.

PS. A citizen who observes a crime is a witness and is involved.

Mikey, the best way to deal with Cathar's particular sort of mental illness and it's accompanying delusions is to simpley ignore it . Do not engage as that will only make you an "enabler" and will give the ill person the idea that there is merit in the nonsensical rants that come from having dementia.

You're right.

I wonder what would happen if we put cathar in charge of DYFS.

Laserlumpenprole, one always has to begin considering ANY of your posts with a) due acknowledgement of the genuine extent of your derangement and b) your related state of full-bore social alienation.

In this instance, interestingly, this has led you into a temporary alliance (no more than that, she hasn't actually met you yet) with the pompous twit who posts as "jerseygurl" but reminds me more of a post-menopausal version of Gore Vidal. But, at least occasionally, in skirts.

If this alliance makes you happy, mikeypal (I'm sure it sums up the extent of your "socializing" the last month or two), then go for it. But I warn you, she will eventually pull out her "I have a sailboat" riff, which will leave you utterly baffled since she is not referring to the radio-controlled sort you place in a pond at a park.

And laserboy, you completely hapless, pitiful, charmless dork, I in fact had guns go off right over my head. I have also been shot. Unlike you, I served in the armed forces. Unlike you too, I have even had dates occasionally in my life.

Put all of this into your diapers and dwell on it. Along with the crap that passes for your brains. Dream sweet dreams of your newfound ally jerseygurl while you're at it.

And walleroo, I have a hunch I could do pretty darn well heading up DYFS. (First official act: a coin toss to determine whether I commit lasernutter or jerseygurl first, both at the very least should be recipients of those issued-in-the-UK things called "ASBO's" for "anti-social behavior orders.") I also think you could do a pretty fine job heading up DYFS. As could so many other regular posters. We all sure couldn't do any worse.

It is funny, too, to note the antagonism to my mere suggestion that therapeutic services might be just a bit overrated coming from two posters here who clearly could do with a spot of Thomas Szasz-style "tender" psychiatric ministrations: one for her inflated sense of her intellectual importance and the other for his lack, even at his advanced chronological age, of anything approaching functional socialization.

blah, blah, blah. Cathar, you are very boring.

Mike - remember, do not engage. It just feeds the beast. The poor fellow probably suffers from PTSD so let him rant. He obviously feels the need to insult others due to some deep rooted sense of failure.