Do we have to add “coming soon” to the lines we’ve stopped believing, like “the check is in the mail” or I’ll call you? Flagrant abusers of “Coming Soon” signs in Montclair include the mysterious Baby Pedro’s and of course, Upper Montclair’s phantom outpost of Five Guys. The fast-growing Virginia-based burger chain that counts President Obama as a fan, is moving at slower than a snail’s pace in Montclair (make that a ceramic snail since nothing appears to be moving at all). The dark interior, tired-looking “Coming Soon!” banner, menacing Keep Out sign, and yellowing window permit dating back to July 2009 (remember way back when Elevation Burger opened?) have created a Miss Havisham-vibe at 622 Valley Road.
When I called Five Guys Corporate offices this week to ask when the Upper Montclair location would finally open its doors, a helpful woman who answered the phone told me to hold on while she looked up the store on her computer. “Montclair?” she said, sounding as though she couldn’t find it, and then, “OK, I found it. Upper Montclair. Here it is. They have it down for December.”
December? Coming Soon??? Huh?
When we told First ward councilor Rich Murnick what we heard, he was surprised. “It’s out of the township’s hands, so I don’t know why they aren’t opening,” says Murnick, adding they’ve long had the necessary approvals from the township/building department. Yes, he had heard the peanut allergy rumor (debunked) as well as a new one, something about the owners needing to attend Five Guys University first, but said he had nothing official to report, other than he’d like to go in and have a burger if they could just get someone in there to start cooking.
Maybe it will be sooner than December — maybe it’s a computer error. No matter what, it’s been a long, long wait. 
And while Five Guys fiddles, Smashburger, who released information about its Montclair location in October 2009 and opened two months later, has staked out another location nearby on Rte 3 in Clifton, situated about a hamburger bun’s throw from the Tick Tock Diner. Smashburger’s second Jersey store opened in Hackensack earlier this month; the chain says they will will roll out 25-30 more stores in NJ over the next few years.
If you can’t take the frustration/confusion of the long promised Montclair Five Guys, you can always head over to locations in Rutherford or Wayne. Or you could keep waiting and maybe they’ll open tomorrow…or in a couple of weeks…or maybe December? Or you could just screw it and go to Tierney’s, where you can enjoy the burger Baristanet commenters adore, along with a cold beer (their onion rings are pretty awesome, too).
There’s a positive takeaway in all this, says a shutterbug and frustrated burger seeker: “Five Guys has redefined the meaning of “Soon” so that no one can ever be accused of being late ever again.”
Meh. I tried Elevation Burger and found it wanting. Smash Burger is ridiculously over-hyped as well.
I suppose I’ll try this place after it opens, but I’ve got a feeling that the order of prefference for burgers will remain:
1) Made at home and cooked on the grill (with diced tomatoes, some chilli powder, and minced garlic worked into the meat… mmmmmm) and topped with a slice of provolone or cheddar with whatever beer I’m obsessing over this month (currently working my way through a case of Blue Moon… Very good “Summer” beer).
2) Tierney’s cheddar burger with a pint of Guinness.
3) The Office’s Bacon BBQ burger again with a pint of Guinness. It’s a distant third, but still better than any of the new offerings.
Or go to White Manna (two “n”s) in Hackensack for the best and best-valued burgers in NJ.
Can’t say the same, though, for White Mana (one “n”, but same owners) in Jersey City.
Hey. What about California Chicken at Valley and Van Vleck. Those signs have been up for a while. I was looking forward to trying their “fride” chicken.
Just so everyone’s on the same page, Baby Pedro’s is NEVER going to “open.” It’s a facade. Cuban Pete’s uses that space for kitchen preparation. Seen it with my own eyes when the front door was wide open on one of those bagillion degree days a few weeks ago.
On a side note, the weather today = PERFECT. Get outside!
Add to the list of the perpetual “coming soon” venues: the “Scoops” ice cream parlor slated to open next to the Glen Ridge/Montclair Smashburger.
In Scoops’ case, by the time they do (if ever) open, then will have completely missed the boat and all the sales that would have been attendant to the hottest summer in a long long time.
Overhyped? Oh, come up. Are the burgers good or not? It may not be Jean-Georges, but the burgers are pretty tasty at Smashburger.
Economic recovery: Coming Soon!
At this point, I just assume 5 Guys is never going to open. I don’t even care anymore, they missed the boat.
If they wanted any chance of succeeding, they would have opened before the billion other burger joints in town. I assume the owner realizes this, or is experiencing financial trouble, which is why it’s had such delays.
‘Roo,
I say “over-hyped” because, while a tasty enough burger; it is not the be-all, end-all of burger joints and I didn’t leave saying “I wonder how they got it to taste so good / different.”
But, for whatever reason, people around these parts seem to think differently (I lost track of how many people told me I just had to try SB or acted like I told them their spouse was cheating on them when I said it was nothing special).
LOL ‘Roo, good one!
GnM, I heard the same about Smash. The two meat-a-sauruses in the family said they were ‘greasy’. Everyone liked the fries. My chicken sandwich was good, especially the bread — reminded me a little of Fuddruckers, without the $10 in gas.
Hubby likes Alexus’s burgers. (I like their pickles!) Nice selection of beers there, too.
The “Coming Soon” I’m waiting for is Muscle Maker Grill. They are, according to their website, supposed to put one in Clifton but I have no idea where it’s supposed to go or when it will open. The spot that (Smash Burger grabbed would have been great, because it’s in the midst of the new “gym row” between NYSC on Main Av and Lucille Roberts in Styretown.
I find it odd that everyone seems to have missed the obvious. Keep it simple, local and all in the family – go across the street and go into the Montclair Char-Broil. They do a very, very respectable burger & fries and make REAL milkshakes.
Use it or lose it.
White Manna (River St., Hackensack)is my favorite burger dive ever; they’ve been making “sliders” for at least 60 years. On my birthdays my grandmother would pick me up a “birthday sack” containing 4 burgers with cheese and onions! The aroma that emanates from White Manna could be detected a half mile away. Ah! Intoxicating smell of onions!
The longest “coming soon” i’ve ever seen is Salute on Glenridge Avenue & North Willow Street. 4 years now? They just put plants out front, progress is being made.
Raymond’s makes a great burger. Fries are good too. Heck, just about everything there is pretty wonderful.
Tierney’s is still my favorite place for a burger…Haven’t had one at Raymond’s yet, but I haven’t had a bad meal there, so I’m sure the burgers are good, too…
Last time I went to Charbroil for a burger, it was green.
I forgot about Raymond’s! They place right behind the burger I like from the Office or possibly tie it.
The fries there are probably the best in NJ, though.
I drove by 5 Guys on Rt. 17 and HAD to try ‘em… TERRIBLE. The burger was ok. The fries (who needs a bag of fries?) were GOD AWFUL— FRIES ARE A DEAL BREAKERS– workers were rude, peanuts EVERYWHERE (and while I don’t have allergies, it just seemed rude, unexpected and unnecessary.)
Smash is a great burger. Tierney’s is out of this world. But I also like to grind up some short ribs (I put a bit of bacon in there too) and make a burger– delicious and easy.
Funny though, I grew up in Hackensack and have NEVER been to White Manna– though the McDonalds across the street was THE place to go for lunch in High School or, if we timed it right, White Castle on Rt. 17.
Been to a 5 Guys a few times, and hated it each time. Nothing great especially given the others in town and as prof says, the peanuts all over was not an asset.
Pal’s Cabin Burgers and THE Landmark on Mt. Pleasant Avenue in Livingston are my #1
I forgot about Pal’s…Pal’s does have good burgers.
Pal’s used to have the best turkey burger, too, but it was taken off the menu some years ago
For my money — never tried Tierney’s — I can’t imagine a much better burger than Pal’s Cabin.
I like salt, but everything at Smashburger is too salty for me.
I have gone back to mostly veggie these days. The Office actually makes a really good handmade veggie burger, any other recommendations?
I’ve never tried the burger at Pal’s.
On the rare occasion when I go there (usually for my b-day or wedding anniversary) I’m too busy salivating over their steaks to even think “burger”.
Tierney’s still makes one of the best “bar burgers” around. Get a bacon cheeseburger from there and all is right with the world.
The Sunset Pub and Grill up in Lincoln Park makes one of the best burgers I’ve ever tasted. Their “Ole’ Hickory Burger” (hickory smoked bacon, VT cheddar, caramelized onions, honey chipotle BBQ sauce) is out of this world.
This seems to have become the burger thread.
1. Next Door – it’s a shame they don’t do sides
2. Arthur’s in Morris Plains – skip their potatoes
3. River Palm Terrace in Fairlawn – fabulous fries
4. Pal’s – a could-be-great-if-they-tried burger
Prof,
White Manna is definitely on my required eating list. Funny enough, I grew up right next to Hackensack and have never been to the McD’s across the street from the Manna.
Gotta go grind some short ribs now – thanks for the tip!
I think we’ll have seared and poached veggie-tofu-free range – macrobiotic burgers with a side of organic tabouli tonight, and a glass or two of Nova Scotian celery juice.
I am concerned about cathar’s sleeping habits, and so we offer this gift of love to cathar, so he can sleep easier, knowing that his certainties about liberal nutrition preferences survive yet another day, undisturbed. zzzzzz…..
Melody,
Were you there when it opened? THAT was on of the great days in Hackensack. I can’t imagine any kid living near it not ever visiting it when it opened.
And after baseball games at Foschini Park?
C’mon. McDonalds was THE SPOT!!!
(And during High School as I said, that was the place to go.)
I just had a short rib burger- I froze a few. Wonderful.
I also use THIS recipe from America’s Test Kitchen for homemade fries. (Click on the video to play it.)
Melody should do a food video with the prof – he’s always making my mouth water with the food he cooks up at his palatial estate. If it happens – I want a taste.
Now I am hungry for a burger..
Can’t forget the good ‘ol White Castle when thinking burgers. Rat Burgers are in a category all their own.
You’re killing me, prof. I’m boiling pasta.
Prof,
I wasn’t a McD’s kid – - I was raised by my grandparents, and they did not go for it. My grandfather wouldn’t even eat sausage if my grandmother didn’t grind the butts herself.
And while I didn’t play ball in Foschini Park, I did grow up working in Foschini Bakery.
But yes, from what I’ve heard, that McD’s was hugely popular. Unlike most of my friends, however, I didn’t go to HHS. And because we weren’t allowed to leave the building for lunch, my lunch was packed for four years. (Sheltered I was.)
I actually love Smashburger…although I will admit it is REALLLLLY greasy. I like their seedless buns. I love their smashfries.
5 guys is awesome, but they have seeded buns, and a LOT of peanuts, so anyone with allergies is really unable to even enter. I saw they were coming and was so excited, but yep, here I am, still waiting. One day, I hope.
When one puts cheese, onions, mustard, ketchup, hickory sauce, relish, BBQ sauce, bacon and more on your burger, you really cannot tell beans about the burger. It might as well be Alpo burgers. Actually, why put a burger in between the bun, at all ? The Landmark Pub on Mt. Pleasant Avenue, just before the RT. 10 traffic circle makes one great burger, steak fries and offers about 25 different beers, It’s always packed. But their cole slaw is to be avoided !
Pals is closer, and better – but The Landmark gets a young(er) crowd.
Sandy, along with many, I can tell.
I’m a tomato, onion, smear of mayo, bit ‘o ketchup and mustard kinda guy. Oh, I MUST cut the burger in half when I eat it (unless it’s a fast-food place).
Forgot about Pal’s. Great burgers.
At home I only use Martin’s Potato(e) bread/rolls.
Funny you should mention sausage, Melody (if I knew you better, I’d have a slew of off-color jokes), I hope to make some at home for the first time in a few weeks. Thanks for the reminder. Though grinding up a pork butt seems wrong when I usually spend all day smokin’ one.
I vaguely remember Foschini Bakery, did you bake or serve?
I too use Martin’s Burger buns. They are good.
All I put on is a little ketchup and a mandatory thin slice of raw onion.Nothing else is needed. It’s a BURGER, not a Sloppy Joe !
Check out the LANDMARK. Here are patron’s comments, but this is just 1 page – there are 2 more echoing it. Id ya want, I’ll meet ya there
http://msxml.excite.com/excite/ws/results/Web/The%20Landmark%20-%20Livingston/1/0/0/Relevance/iq=true/zoom=off/_iceUrlFlag=7?_IceUrl=true
http://www.yelp.com/biz/the-landmark-livingston